


Pride can stand a thousand trials

by weebnt_b



Series: gift to me forever [1]
Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Gay, M/M, Sword Art Online: Fatal Bullet, soft gay though, the bed scene but my creative rights as a fanfic author liberally applied to it, very indulgent haha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:26:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23685373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weebnt_b/pseuds/weebnt_b
Summary: It was easy to entertain Soji, but it was even easier to love him.
Relationships: Itsuki (Sword Art Online: Fatal Bullet)/Original Male Character(s)
Series: gift to me forever [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705612
Kudos: 17





	Pride can stand a thousand trials

**Author's Note:**

> https://twitter.com/sant_ao/status/1248848485941678080?s=20
> 
> pls click on it that is the only reason why i bought this game after letting it sit in my steam wishlist for a year
> 
> no regrets tho i genuinely find the game fun and challenging bc im lizard brain. /pero pero
> 
> i havent taken a proper screenshot of avatar Soji so like. oops haha
> 
> i'm dedicating this to my friend whose name is also Soji. who watched me play since the start and immediately latched onto Itsuki lmaooo
> 
> ily my guy

Soji doesn't talk.

At first, Itsuki thought it was because he was shy. With how he mostly kept to himself and preferred company over a crowd, the assumption would have been reasonable. 

But it became clear very quickly that wasn't the case, watching the other man fearlessly, _recklessly_ , tackle anything that spawned in their path, and stand up for his friends—even strangers—regardless of the danger.

(For a sniper main, Soji certainly didn't seem to care about maintaining distance.)

Soji didn't _talk_ , no.

He _typed_.

It was very rare that someone bothered to type in VRMMORPGs anymore, especially in an action and reaction-heavy one like GGO. If a player wanted to succeed in the game and climb the ranks, they had to communicate with their party fast, and nothing was faster than spoken words in the middle of combat.

This expectation made it very easy to discriminate, though, leading to the sharp decline in female players. After all, even if they hid behind male avatars, their feminine pitch would give their true gender away. It made it easy for the moronic male majority to pick them out and harass them.

(Itsuki didn't approve of that, of course, but he also thought skill trumped bias. If girls left the GGO because they couldn't handle some bullying, maybe they weren't cut out for it in the first place.)

Though Soji's actions were interesting to watch and he had Kureha to convey most of his intentions out loud, Itsuki honestly first thought the guy wouldn't last a week in the game. Kureha was reliable and had a good reputation, but not being able to communicate in the field was an incredible obstacle. They wouldn't have a problem attracting new party members, but keeping them was an entirely different matter.

But once again, Itsuki's private musings were proven wrong. The mute(?) player beat a boss within his first hour of the game, landed himself an ArFA-Sys Type-X and caught the attention of GGO's top player. There would be _no one_ unwilling to sit through Soji's typing, not when they could stand under that spotlight if they did.

Interestingly enough, Soji didn't seem to enjoy the attention. Staying true to his initial unsociable disposition, he rejected the onslaught of friend and party requests, turning on the auto-block feature immediately after Kirito's suggestion to. He stayed in the least populated servers, wore concealing accessories and changed his outfit everytime he went outside his Home.

So despite having hordes of players at his feet, Soji never ventured out his small circle of friends. Everytime Itsuki and Taipan encountered him, he was always with his ArFA-Sys—rarely with Kureha, sometimes with Kirito, never anyone else.

It was a wonder how Itsuki managed to squeeze past that social barricade, but he was infinitely glad for the chance.

Behind that presumed stoicism, Soji was brimming with emotional vibrancy. He was genuine with his feelings and reacted honestly, letting his reactions spill out into a chatbox immediately, even under a hall of bullets.

(Itsuki remembered the time they were engaging automatons in Solitary Sands. One moment he was quickscoping, and the next there was nothing under his feet and he was staring dumbfoundedly at a very small and upside-down Soji, who was staring back with equally wide eyes.

[djfgaJADFJG ITTRSUKI LMFAMOAOAO O OOO O], the stupid boy typed, standing still to do it even though the same giant sandworm that launched his party member was thrashing on him and lowering his HP into the red.

Human Fortress had run out, unfortunately, and Soji too was unceremoniously tossed up into the air, but that didn't stop him from sending line after unintelligible line all the way back to the sand.  
  
[IMN SOOERYYYY]  
[SKDKSKGSHAHAHAHADSADFA]  
[MMY DUDE]  
[U WERE F L YI N,,]  
[LOOOOOOOL]

Itsuki had to clamp a hand over his mouth as he revived Soji, because he certainly wasn't going to enable his party leader dying over silly moments by laughing along.)

Soji was a _quick_ typer, and Itsuki soon realized that it really wasn't an issue of communication that had him refuse all those invites and requests.

"Friendliness and unsociability," Kureha had put it, when one of Kirito's friends asked her to describe the Luckiest Player in GGO.

Now that Itsuki had experienced the real Soji, it made sense. Outside of his chosen circle of confidants, Soji was absolutely unapproachable. It was similar to what Itsuki did to his fanbase, but with a lot less social grace or underlying manipulation.

Soji was a rather simple individual, Itsuki finally decided. Either he trusted you and let loose, or he didn't and contained himself. There was no in-between, no hidden meaning.

It was refreshing, or at least to Itsuki it was. He could actually put his trust in the younger male and not have it thrown back in his face. Soji was skin-deep, if the skin was his entire body. What he showed you, was all he had, and to his mild shock, Itsuki found himself reciprocating that goodwill.

It was a joke, of course, or at least it was at first. He just wanted another one of Soji's exaggerated yet genuine series of reactions, because Soji was so easily duped into these scenarios. Itsuki wasn't sure if it was okay to just invite himself into another's room without permission like this, much less onto their bed, but it worked, and he got what he wanted.

So easy, he thought to himself, as he watched the brunet's avatar laugh soundlessly at something he had only said idly. Soji was so easily humored, but Itsuki supposed that was because he was so honest with himself.

It was easy to entertain Soji, but it was even easier to love him.

Itsuki felt he should be startled, or find some part of him to deny this notion. But the fall was steady, slow and sure. Because it was so gradual, it was already taking firm root. And he didn't want to begin to try and stop it now, not when it made him feel this way.

As if in a trance, Itsuki moved his avatar's hand and made it gently brush against the side of Soji's still-smiling face. Soji didn't question it, didn't shy away; only silently giggle and tuck his face into the virtual pillow.

[oh thats weird i can feel that], popped up a small chatbox. [it tickles]

Like a mirror, Itsuki reflected the smile, and let it fully form. He felt something in him bloom at the wonder in Soji's face, and made note to freely express himself more in the future if it meant this kind of attention.

"I hope you don't stop playing GGO anytime soon, Soji," he heard himself say, distantly, as if he could hear it past the NerveGear. "It'd be so boring without you."

At the rapid blinking, he scoffed, more at himself than at the other. "Never expected myself to say that either, but… that's the absolute truth. These days… I don't want to do anything in the game if it's not with you."

It should have been embarrassing to admit, but all it felt was liberating. Soji wasn't going to laugh at him for being cheesy, Itsuki couldn't be more sure of it.

And he was right. All Soji did was grin, and type [awww tyty, m2 heheh]

Fully at ease, Itsuki chuckled at the unfitting chat, and continued pouring his heart to the one who already held it.

"I've never met anyone like you," he murmured, carefully tracing the curve of Soji's face with both his fingers and his eyes. "Can't even begin to describe…"

 _Just how much you mean to me,_ he meant to say, but the words weren't coming out.

Itsuki swallowed, a cold wave of sudden trepidation crashing over his head. He grasped Soji firmly and pulled their faces closer together, hoping the younger could see how serious he was now that they were mere inches apart.

"Soji," he started, almost as if in prayer, "You're special. To me. I—"

Once again, he choked on his own words, and he angrily furrowed his eyebrows in frustration. He closed his eyes, sighing heavily, only to open them in surprise at something rubbing lightly at the middle of his brows. It was Soji's thumb, and he looked almost amused, but Itsuki couldn't get upset at him when he was smiling like that.

[you're special to me too, you know]

Itsuki sighed again, quieter this time in relief, and dug his fingers into digital locks. They were soft, and he wondered when he could feel its real counterpart.

He looked on with undoubtable fondness as Soji finally seemed to be conscious of how close their faces were, a mild flush rising to the surface of his cheeks and ears. He didn't look too impressed at how his face was heating up, and Itsuki couldn't help the quirk of his lips.

"I belong at your side," Itsuki managed, trying not to falter any more than he already has in the past couple minutes. "And I don't want anyone else to be—as selfish as that sounds."

He wants to say more, convey more, but now it's not anxiety blocking him. It's how strongly he feels in this moment, and that he's unable to find the right words to properly explain it.

Soji just waits, patient as Itsuki collects himself, drawing even closer so that their foreheads touch and the tips of their noses are brushing. He reaches up and tucks wayward bangs behind Itsuki's ear, the motion somehow as encouraging as it is comforting.

"Let me stay here. With you, forever. I don't want anything else."

It wasn't meant to be literal, but Itsuki hoped Soji would understand. He wanted to be a part of the other's life, he wanted to spend the rest of their days together. If his future didn't have Soji in it, he didn't want it at all.

The soft ping of a chatbox made him realize he had his eyes shut, and he opened them to read, not without some wariness.

[itsuki], it read, [i'm a neet.]

Before he could reply in confusion, more chatboxes popped up, and he deigned to stay silent in respect, just as Soji had done for him.

[i don't really have a life.]  
[GGO is the most i've done socially. i don't even have this many real acquaintances.]  
[i don't have a job, i'm not going to college.]  
[my parents gave up on me and don't really care anymore]

At this point, Soji's eyes began to dim, and lowered. As if he were ashamed, and Itsuki felt something in him twist, almost painfully, as if his heart was resonating with the one across from him. That he could only clench his teeth and wait it out was beyond frustrating.

[to be honest]  
[i don't see what you see]  
[in me, i mean.]  
[all i do is laugh at anything and everything,]  
[but you seem to like that, so…]  
[i just kept doing it. because i like you]  
[a lot.]  
[you're the first one i look for when i log in lol]

There was a sheen to Soji's gaze, and Itsuki suddenly felt dread pool at the bottom of his stomach. The last thing he wanted him to do was cry, because he was certain he'd cry alongside him, and he wanted to be a support, not a wreck.

Soji's character tried to cover his eyes as he shuddered, but there was a smile, wobbly as it was. In an attempt to be soothing, Itsuki carefully moved his hand to interlace with Soji's, and wished he could do this in person.

[i'm really happy you like me back]  
[just don't know why]  
[the only good thing about me is my luck]  
[it gave me Rei]  
[brought me Kirito and his friends]  
[it led me to you]  
[there's a lot i'm not saying]  
[about me.]  
[i don't want you to hate me for them]  
[but i don't feel okay with basically lying either]

(As emotional as they were right now, the colder and merciless part of his mind, the part that made him such an efficient sniper, scoffed— _there's nothing you can do to leave me._ It made Itsuki wince and hold onto Soji's hand tighter; apologetically, unapologetically.)

He exhaled through his nose, and took the long beats of empty silence as permission to speak. "If you don't want to, you don't have to. I love you as you are—and I haven't even heard your voice."

Itsuki brought their linked hands up to his lips and pressed them on the back of Soji's, promptly ignoring the short stuttering chatboxes that flew past. He peered past his lashes at the brunet, smirking ever so slightly at his fluster.

"We can take this slow. Just show me what you're willing to, when you're ready."

Another press, more rapid-fire letters.

"Your pace."

He tried to grin with feeling again, unused to laying his heart bare like this, but the effort paid off in the form of Soji's starstruck stare.

[thats not. fair]  
[youre]  
[so beautiful, i]

Well, if that wasn't that a boost to his ego. Itsuki let himself preen, and for once thanked his genetics for making him fairly attractive. If him being physically appealing helped him keep Soji, it was entirely a boon. He chuckled, purposefully against Soji's skin. He felt a shiver and the grin came to him easier.

This man was so fun to be around. To be with.

His very existence brought a new meaning to his own. Soji's love for life sparked his dull-beating heart into overdrive and Itsuki has never felt more alive. He wanted to leave it in Soji's possession forever.

Itsuki never wanted to part with him.

**Author's Note:**

> if it wasnt too clear, itsuki's slightly vague confession is from two of his in-game mails. i took most of them and tweaked it to flow better and left out some of the less fitting lines.  
> theyre p much the reason why i even ship Soji and Itsuki, other than the fact my friend Soji likes him lol
> 
> speaking of which, i hope u liked this real!Soji :sojiyes:
> 
> this might be a series of oneshots. who knows
> 
> oh god im gonna reread this and find like 3984639845345 errors loooool


End file.
